... more tears
less fears
a clear head
a stifled sob
and much writing not done
while time wasted away years
of less tears
and more fears
in a mind muddled by agony
silently screaming.
Hoping
and hoping
and hoping
that the swings between mood changes
would last longer
stay stable
and diminish the violent outbursts
when nothing was right
and everyone out to get even or more.
Living with a manic depressive who self-medicated with dope, alcohol, nicotine and violence can maim you beyond imagining - if you allow it to damage the core of who you are BUT when you realise that at the centre of your being is a well of loving that never runs dry EVER and you draw your strength, hope and inspiration from there ... nothing negative can be sustained and when it stays it is turned and turning becomes part of the love you live.
The best but hardest is finding out that the love is for all, not specific but general and fills so much, the little bits that are kept from you by those who selfishly feel they can hurt you this way, are as drops in an ocean and again ... eventually they accumulate somewhere to overflowing and so are not really kept away but stored for later.
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