Ok, so it's Saturday 26 May and although the words don't stop coming the jumble they're in means what ends up on paper (the screen) does not necessarily always reflect the true meaning of what I'm trying to say.
Being a mom of three adult 'boys' - yes, they'll always just be my 'boys' - is not a simple thing. Not that being a parent can ever be simple, especially not when you're a single parent.
When they're really little and depend on you for everything and your life feels as if it's chaos personified, at times you can't wait for them to grow up...but it happens so fast...and before you know it you're coping with the loss of not having them so dependent, be relegated to standing on the sidelines as they live their own lives and you're coping instead with the losses they have to endure.
The flipside is that you also share their joys and achievements, holding your breath with every step they take in their own living, cheering silently so they don't feel that you're interfering and nodding quiet consent when they look to you for approval. As much as you'd love to scream and shout their achievements from the rooftops you learn (over time) what they will or won't allow and adjust your reactions according to what your children want, setting your 'usual' reactions aside.
Each of my boys is so totally unique, so absolutely their own person, that there is no way I can generalise my dealings with them... motherhood in triplicate!
So, today is a reality check for me because they're all grown up and out of the house, have been for some time, and I miss them and I need to say so.